If you’ve experienced trauma or grown up in a dysfunctional family, you might feel like different versions of you are always at war. One minute you’re confident, the next you’re overcome with fear or doubt that doesn’t even feel like “you.”
In this post, we unpack the idea of “parts.” Why they develop and how understanding them can help you integrate your whole self.
What Are “Parts”?
“Parts” are different aspects of your personality that hold distinct feelings, beliefs, and behaviors. In psychology, this is called Internal Family Systems (IFS) or “parts work.”
Just like a family, each part has its own role—and sometimes they clash.
Parts develop as a survival mechanism when the mind experiences trauma or overwhelming stress. They protect you by compartmentalizing your feelings so you can survive difficult situations. For example:
One part takes on the role of critic to shame you into staying safe and small.
Another part becomes the protector, using anger to protect you from harm.
While these parts were helpful in the moment, over time, they make you feel like you don’t even truly know yourself.
Trauma and Fragmentation: Why You Feel Disconnected
In response to trauma, your brain’s natural instinct is to compartmentalize emotions to protect you. This is called fragmentation—a survival strategy that prevents you from getting overwhelmed by pain.
If you grew up having to appease a raging parent part of you suppressed your own needs while another part learned to hyper-focus on pleasing others. These parts continue to play the same roles, even now that you're an adult.
This can show up as:
Conflicting feelings: You want to heal but there's something stopping you from making changes.
Inner criticism: You have a harsh inner voice that shames and doubts you.
Mood swings: You cycle between numbness, sadness, anger and fear.
Self-sabotage: One part actively undermines what another part longs for.
Understanding Parts Through the Lens of Family Systems Theory
Family Systems Theory offers a helpful metaphor: just as roles in a family keep the system intact, parts in your mind work to maintain internal balance.
For example:
A protector part developed in response to emotional neglect, stepping in to shield you from rejection.
A critic part echoes a parent’s critical voice, trying to keep you “in line” to avoid punishment.
Even though these parts feel like they’re working against you, they’re actually trying to help—you just need to meet them with curiosity, not judgment, to start creating balance.
Steps to Start Integrating Your Parts
Healing is about bringing these parts back into connection with one another. Instead of shutting down parts that feel “bad” or overwhelming...
1. Recognize Your Parts
Ask yourself:
What part of me is leading in this moment?
What emotions, needs, or memories are driving this part?
2. Get Curious (Not Judgmental)
All parts are trying to protect you—even the ones that seem destructive, the ones who critizise, shame and sabotage you. Start dialogueing with them. Try asking:
“What're you afraid would happen if you weren’t here?”
"How old are you?"
"How old do you think I am?"
“What do you need from me right now, to make you feel safe?”
"Would you be surprised if I told you I'm a grown up & can take care of myself now!"
Thank them for doing their best. Explain that they can ease off and that you're taking charge now. This creates space for compassion rather than resistance.
3. Connect With Your True Self
Your True Self is the calm, compassionate and wise inner core of your being. When you start to heal your wounded parts and release trauma stored in your body and mind, you can start to lead your parts instead of them being in control.
4. Reclaim Lost Parts of You
Trauma forces some parts of you into hiding. Once you build trust with your protector parts, you can start inviting these buried parts back into your life.
Why Healing Isn’t About “Fixing” Yourself
You’re not here to fit into anyone’s box or play by outdated survival rules. Healing isn’t about silencing your parts or erasing trauma—it’s about integrating your experiences so you can show up as your authentic self.
When you bring your parts into harmony, you reclaim the energy it takes to keep them at odds. This is how you start showing up for your dreams, relationships, and yourself—not fragmented, but whole.
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